Tuesday, November 25, 2003

When Do Adults Grow Up?

As a little girl, I thought adults were so smart. They held the world in their hands, and always knew the right thing to do. I didn't understand about politics, power, or control. I only knew that adults had the job of protecting me, caring for me, and teaching me.

It has been an incredible frustration to grow up and find that adults don't always grow up. Some of the petty things we quarreled over in grade school have been adapted to adult situations, but they're really still the same. It seems that it's about who runs the show, who makes the decisions, and who is in charge. How sad that is when it affects our children. It bothers me deeply when the adults can't discuss issues in a logical and kind way and when differences of opinion are taken as attack. I've found I have little patience for this.

At 26 I have discovered that I am responsible not only for my own actions but my feelings as well. Other people can not control my response to them. These are some of the things I would like to teach my children, so they don't learn them when they're 30 and hopefully they can be much more productive.

There are so many crossroads in our lives. There are the big ones and the smaller ones. 10 years ago, I was a teenaged Wiccan, proudly feminist and terribly anti-Christian. Now, I'm a married, Christian, homeschooling mother of 3, and not really at all where I thought I'd be. I'm in a much better place. Choosing to homeschool was a big crossroad. Homeschooling takes a great deal of commitment and time. Where I am now is a smaller crossroad. I have to make some decisions about the direction I want my family to take with regards to educational support. It seems that even non-conformity can become conformist, and I don't have to put myself in any sort of a box to fit in and find people who I get along with. I certainly don't have to put my children there either.

Now I have some choices to make. It may be time for me to leave a couple of groups that I have been involved with, and start something new. It's time for me to strike out and find a new place. Hey, maybe I'm starting to grow up!

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