Wednesday, December 31, 2003

New Year's Eve 2003

Well. Today was highly unproductive unless you consider finishing cleaning out my desk drawers productive. It's just that we're all coming down with colds and have felt especially yucky today. So there's been a lot of resting going on. Well, except for me. I'm not allowed to rest. Mommy has to take care of everyone else. I did make a chocolate cake which went over big at dinner.

You know, I've realized that deep down I have this fear that I'm not doing a good job. I'm afraid that Reagan isn't learning, and I really can't provide what he'd get in school. But my step-daughter was kind enough to tell me that he knows a lot more than she did at the same age. And then I overheard him talking to her about something that we had learned. It felt like, "Hey! He really has learned something!" I think I need to remember that knowledge isn't all poured in one day.

I wonder sometimes if parenthood isn't just a lifetime of generalized anxiety. You're concerned about pregnancy, birth, your new baby, your toddler, etc. And I don't think it ends just because your child turns 18. I still wouldn't have it any other way. I really love being their mom.

This year we'll be ringing in the new year with Sparkling Cider and Dick Clark. And tomorrow I'll gather all my little kiddos and watch the Rose Parade. I love the parade! Back in High School I used to go with Job's Daughters and work on the floats. Ah, the many joys of growing up in Southern California. Well, I'd better go now, or I'll miss it!

Happy New Year!

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