Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Mama's Worries

So I have three really great kids and a good husband. Sometimes I even have a day like today when the good kids are actually being good. Reagan got a new book from his book club, read it in minutes and was anxious to tell me all about it. He did Math for over an hour without being hounded, and he was especially attentive to Piper. Piper hasn't poked Bridget in the eye even once. And Bridget took a really long nap this morning.

What I can't figure out is why on days like this I'm even less sure that I'm doing a good job. When do my whacko hormones come back to me anyway? I think I've got enough estrogen to girly up an army base! I'm moody and anxious and trying very hard to get through every day still being myself and not psycho wife/mom. Ask my husband if I'm having much luck, I'm not so sure.

Parenting is one of those jobs that you don't know how well you've done until it's too late to fix it. No pressure, right? I have to keep reminding myself that at least I'm here. I get up every morning and fix breakfast and try to take care of the family. Some days I'm better at it than others. But this is my ministry. This is my God-given vocation. I love what I do, I just pray for more self-confidence and energy. On the other hand, maybe it's God's way of causing me to continue to lean on him for everything. Hopefully the kids won't have too much to tell their shrink later.

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