Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Another Disappointment

Reagan has been asking about seeing his California Daddy again. To which I have no objection. Of course I'm not totally sure (other than e-mail) how to get a hold of him at the moment. I did send him an e-mail telling him when we'd be in town next. I told Reagan that I had let his daddy know when we'd be there, and that I keep all of our e-mails. Then he asked to see them. So, I showed him the latest one where I'd informed J. of our next visit. I haven't heard back. Reagan asked if we could e-mail him again.

I had one of the hardest talks I've ever had with him. I told him that while his California daddy loves him, he doesn't always know how to show it. I told him that I could e-mail J. a hundred times but I can't make him make plans with Reagan. I explained that if his California daddy wants to, he knows when we'll be there, and he knows how to get a hold of us to make plans. I also told him to remember that he has a daddy who's here and loves him every day.

Reagan started to tear up. He was afraid he'd never see J. again. I told him that wasn't the case, but that I couldn't make plans for him. We'd have to just be patient and see. It broke my heart. J. could do this when Reagan was small because he didn't notice. But now that he's older he wants to spend time with his "fun" dad in CA and he's not there! I think sometimes that J. has never had to take responsibility for anything. He got me pregnant, but didn't have to marry me. He became a father, but hasn't had to support his child. He's been neglectful and irresponsible with my son's feelings, but doesn't have to be there to witness the fallout.

Yes, I am angry. The only consolation I have is that I have our son, every day, and the joy of being his mother.

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