Sunday, December 26, 2004

Necessary Rant

*Appologies in advance for run-on sentences and poor grammar. I was a little angry*

Well, it's almost 2 am here in the Twin Cities, and where once I had drifted off into a peaceful sleep, I am now awake and more than a little miffed. There is a reason that it is better to have intact homes for children. While I'm happy that I'm married to my husband, it is nights like these that I see what divorce means to kids, and it breaks my heart.

When Dominic and L. went to court over a year ago, the judge ordered that transportation to and from visits would be provided by us. Now of course this was after talking to the parties for less than 5 minutes, after reading a 3 page tirade from L. in response to Dominic's simple request (you know every other weekend and sharing holidays, selfish, right?) that was mostly untrue, emotional, and irrelevant, and without my husband making it clear that he has no transportation of his own when in California.

Now, on to the story. Weather has majorly screwed up our schedule because of flight changes in previous days other places. He was going to fly to San Diego tomorrow, rent a car, and drive Karina home and himself to the airport. But now the only way Dominic found that he could get Karina home within the time frame agreed to by L. and himself was to fly home tonight into the closest airport to them. He called her before they got on the plane and explained the situation. He planned on sleeping over in the airport and coming back the next day. He asked if she could pick up Karina, because he has no transportation this late, and we couldn't afford to rent a car there, believe me we looked. She AGREED!

When they arrived at the airport in California and called to let her know, she informed him that she had changed her mind. She reminded him that it is HIS responsibility to provide transportation for Karina, and that she would not. She was stranding her daughter in an airport for what, exactly? Superiority? To be right? Big whoopin' deal! She has no problem asking us for favors where Karina is concerned, but God forbid we should ask her for something that isn't even for us! It's for her daughter! Dominic called me about a dozen shades past frustrated. In addition to not getting Karina picked up, his flight was seriously overbooked and he needed to find a way to a different airport to take a wide open flight.

Thankfully for us, we have Heather. She's a dear dear friend of mine, and one I'm blessed to have. She's a soul-mate, and I could go on and on for pages and never do justice to what an amazing woman she is. And she's got a heart of gold. I called her after 11 pm California time and without hesitation she agreed to drive out and pick them up, take Karina home, take Dominic to her and her husband's house to let him get some sleep, and then take him to the airport tomorrow. Can I give her some kind of friendship medal? There's got to be one for that kind of thing. When I was 16 I could call her at 1 am and cry about my last boyfriend, and here I am over 10 years later, and she can still be counted on in a pinch. Of course I would do the same thing in a heartbeat, but that's not the point. To her, that doesn't matter. Can I just say again how much she rocks?

Well, back to uber-ex. This is a woman who shells out the big bucks to put her daughter in a private CHRISTIAN school, because she's such a CHRISTIAN now. This Christian school is teaching Karina things like "What would Jesus do?".Well, would Jesus leave Karina in the airport? I don't think so. And wouldn't a Christian, in the spirit of Christian charity on CHRISTMAS of ALL days be willing to give just a tiny little bit? Isn't it the day that reminds us to put in to practice what the angels said about "Peace on Earth" and "Goodwill to man"? She's all talk and no action. Tonight Heather, who is not a Christian acted in a more Christ-like way than she. Shame on L. Shame on her as a "Christian" woman. It's more than just a feeling people! Following Christ means action. And it more often means action when you don't feel all warm and fuzzy for the person. Anyone remember the parable about the Sumeritan?

Dominic may have been responsible legally to get Karina home. But I believe he behaved responsibly in calling, explaining the situation, and asking her to pick Karina up. L. on the other hand may have been acting within her "rights" but morally and ethically and certainly as a Christian, I believe her to have been totally in the wrong.

Karina is old enough to see these things when they happen now and even feel a little fear when she can see her father unable to do anything, and her mother unwilling. Karina was practically in tears when I spoke to her. She blamed being tired, but the situation couldn't have helped. Karina can now hear her mother say that they obviously need to go back to mediation with anger in her voice over something as simple as a 15 MINUTE DRIVE, which is as far away as the airport is from thier home. Of course I think it's a great idea. I think he should ask that in Emergency situations (which is essentially what this was) that L. be required to provide transportation.

My husband is a proud and a good man. He hates to ask her for anything, since he prefers to keep things civil for their daughter, and she doesn't seem to care. Then she does petty things like this regardless. He was right when he told me that he can't win with her. If he'd waited until he had transportation, he wouldn't have been able to bring Karina home during the agreed upon time. And I think it's perfectly reasonable that she be required to pick up their daughter at the airport very occasionally. As Karina gets older and can fly unacompanied, I think it should be required that her mother provide transportation to and from the airport, especially since we'll be handling the flight arrangements, etc.. She told the judge last year that she drives all the time, and it's not fair to ask her to do more. Pu-leese! She just doesn't like my husband. Which is fine, but don't take it out on Karina. This is a woman, after all, who wrote in her court papers that she believed that children should spend time with their fathers, and then went on and on about why she didn't think Dominic should have visitation rights. Her reasons, by the way, had little to do with Dominic and a lot to do with her shopping schedule and when her mother was in town.

How I wish we could afford a family law attorney. I don't think it would even be a difficult case. She's intimidated by lawyers. And he doesn't want anything unreasonable! He never has! He loves the way the visitation is set up now, he'd just like her to be required to assist in the transportation of their daughter in situations like this! These are days I long for a law degree.

I'm having many uncharitable thoughts of my own at the moment. And hopefully they'll pass. I think some of this is righteous anger, but I'd like to see it transformed into prayer and forgiveness. I fear that if I wallow in it for too long I'll end up like she is, petty. And I really don't want that.

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