1) Some people think my main concern in this is money and my emotional well-being
Well, we are not a family of means. We do okay, but we were not prepared for funerary expenses for a baby not yet born. We have asked anyone who would like to help to please donate to our daughter's memorial fund. We have also said that we appreciate prayer just as much. But other than that we have no financial concerns, nor are our finances affecting our decision. One of the reasons that we put up the donation link was because we were getting people all over the place wanting to help in practical ways, but how can you help in a practical way if you're in NYC? And her arrangements would be a consideration even if I were carrying to term. Apparently some people find this tacky. Well, my mother found the money dance at our wedding tacky. Oh, well. As for my emotional well-being, I really don't doubt that no matter what decision we came to, I would be okay emotionally (besides the natural grieving). Our decision was based on what the risks were of inducing vs. carrying to term, and we made our decision based on what was best for my health and safety, since there is nothing we can do for our baby.
2) Some people believe that I have turned my back on my fellow Catholics, especially the dissenters.
Really, it's not true. This has been an incredibly difficult thing to go through, and I am simply shielding myself from as much as possible. Some people have made the world so black and white. They're looking for a way that our baby can survive, sharing stories, and writing pleas. They mean well, I know. But they don't know more than my ob, my perinatologist, and the neurologist. They insist I can only induce if I'm about to die. I disagree, but that's because my daughter is not sick, disabled, handicapped, etc. Her brain is completely malformed. One cannot sustain life with a brain like hers. The funny thing is, people think that I'm putting my own well being first and that I'm simply selfish. But I would lay down my life for my daughter if it would change her outcome. I'm not inducing because I don't feel like having a baby, or that having a baby is hard, or because I'll get fat, or the myriad of other reasons I've heard for termination or abortion which I would think were incredibly selfish. I'm well aware that I disagree with current thought on this, and what the risks are. But I am not willing to retreat into dogmatic law without reason. Sure, my way is harder because you have to think, but I'm still willing to do it.
I can't remember what the third thing I wanted to address was, but I hope that those who disagree with me are still praying for me. I found one supposedly Catholic blog which was incredibly judgmental and unkind (no, never one I've been linked to or even seen before, most people who disagree really mean well) and really made me wonder about where she stands in her own faith. Maybe I have been forgotten and all they see now is the baby, and a heartless woman who isn't carrying her to term, instead of her heartbroken mother. I now understand why some pro-choicers hate us so much. The really loving people praying outside an abortion clinic, or talking gently with people are hard to hate. The ones yelling murderer are not only not furthering their cause, but they are turning people away and not truly acting in a loving way, despite their intentions.
We can't forget love. Disagree with me, that's okay. But don't forget love.
|1||'A visitor' posted on the Fri 4 Mar 2005, 7:04 am|
Very nice blogck