I like to think I become Super Anne when I'm pregnant. That's just the only way I can even begin to make it cool. Pregnancy does things to your body that you didn't know were even physically possible, and not only are we supposed to just put up with it, we're supposed to think it's great! Because we're carrying life. Okay, I guess carrying life is great, and there certainly are moments where I'm caught up in the magic of it all. Then I sneeze and wet my pants and the magic disappears. Go figure.
My Nose -
My nose does tremendous things in pregnancy. First of all I develop an extraordinary sense of smell. I can smell things that aren't even there. My friend Katy and I had the same experience at one point of being utterly convinced that something was rotting in the refrigerator. I almost took the darned thing apart, and never DID figure out what was I was smelling. The most annoying thing that the super-sniffer has disliked was my children. While I was pregnant with Bridget, Piper smelled odd to me. She'd come to hug me and I'd have to turn my head away from the hug. She just smelled so strong. With this pregnancy, Bridget smelled funny. It was as if breastmilk poop took on a whole new pungency and I could hardly be around her. But of course, she's my baby, so I just put up with it.
Once that wore off, the swelling began. I guess it's one of the wonderful side effects of estrogen. Well, since I have enough estrogen to put down a small pack animal, my mucous membranes have swollen making it hard to breathe. Yippee, what fun.
My eyes always change during pregnancy. Certainly every eye doctor will tell you that your prescription can change during this period, but I have a totally different problem. My eyes water. Constantly, and often for no reason. I see a commercial for St. Jude's children's cancer hospital and my eyes water, I hear a country song on the radio and my eyes water, I change a diaper and realize that corn doesn't really digest well and my eyes water. Darned estrogen! I have to keep telling my husband that it's not his fault. When a woman has this high a hormone level, it has to run off somewhere! But the ability to have one's eyes water at will, that's kind of a super power, right?
I'm on my fourth child. I vaguely remember a time when I had a smooth flat belly and could fit into teeny tiny jeans, but those days were loooong ago. I'm pretty convinced that my stomach muscles don't meet anymore even when I'm not pregnant. So now when I tense up I get this wierd bulge in front. Creepy.
I also have little to no pelvic floor. So, I have little to no bladder control. I work with the elderly, and I figure after a certain amount of years, you have every right to wet yourself if you want to. But I'm not yet 30, and I don't think I have any right to wet myself. But I do. Laugh too hard? Oops. Cough? Oops. Sneeze? Oops. Bend over to pick something up? Oops. I'm killing myself with kegels, but maybe I should have started with baby number 1. Maybe part of being Super Anne could involve scaring the heck out of criminals with a body totally out of control and bulging from the inside with a whole other human being. It certainly frightens most men I know.