Monday, May 23, 2005

Fear Sets In

Well, I was doing really well until I hit six weeks pregnant. Then the hormones kicked in full blast. I found myself weeping yesterday and thinking that I didn't want any tests this pregnancy. While good results would be very reassuring, I don't know that I could stand to hear bad results.

Also, in getting my little nursling back I came down with a massive yeast infection on my breasts. Sorry, I know that's a little too much information, but it doesn't improve my mood when I'm in nearly constant pain. And Bridget can't nurse. Not like this. The lotrimin isn't working really well. I'm going to try to get some Gentian violet today and see if it works any better.

So, I'm exhausted, generally nauseated, and terrified that it will all go wrong. Don't you just love the first trimester?

On the other hand, I'm grateful, I'm happy, and I know that with Sarah my first trimester was really mild. It's kind of reassuring in itself to feel crazy.

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