Sunday, May 08, 2005

Happy Mother's Day

Well, we celebrated Mother's Day on Friday with lunch at the Chinese buffet, and a copy of "The Phantom of the Opera" on DVD. Yesterday we went to Mass, and as they talked about it being Mother's Day, I felt incredibly grateful that at least I have some joy tempering my sorrow on Mother's Day.

Reagan got up this morning and made breakfast for his sisters. He even got Bridget a bottle after she'd finished her cereal. And they let me sleep in for about an hour. A wonderful gift.

I really hadn't thought about my first Mother's Day after losing Sarah. But now that it's here, I'm having a difficult day. I miss her so much. And I should be counting down the days until I can meet her, not missing her.

I heard from the doctor the other day. Apparently the lab never tested the placental specimen they sent. No one's completely sure why, but they just didn't do it. We'll never know if she had a chromosomal abnormality. I'm still a little angry about it. I couldn't do anything to save her, but I so wanted to know what exactly had gone wrong. If there was something that caused the HPE.

This Mother's Day I have much to feel joyful and thankful for. And a part of me does. But there is still this part of me that is incredibly raw and hurting. I want my baby. Probably a good thing I'm working today.

Happy Mother's Day.

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