Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Eight Months In Heaven

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

Stevie Nicks/Fleetwood Mac

8 Months ago today the landslide took me down. I said hello and goodbye to my little Sarah. And things haven't been the same since. Our family walks around missing a piece. And a child who would not have been conceived otherwise is on his way.

Still, I'm thinking of my sweet baby girl with the softest skin and tiniest fingers. And I'm still working to incorporate all that she taught me. How can someone who never took a single breath have made such an impact? I'm left to wonder, because I sit here eight months later still overwhelmed by the void left in her absence.

I'm known to cry when certain songs come on the radio. I have to look away sometimes when I see little girls walking together. I've become a little weird about picking things up at Walmart that I think will look good around her marker. And the hurt that started 8 months ago, continues. It'd different today than it was 8 months ago, but it is a deep pool that goes on.

While she is gone, life continues. Ciaran is growing, Bridget is walking, Piper is dressing herself, and Reagan is making his way through the third grade. But Sarah is never far from my thoughts, and she is always in my heart.

I'm grateful that I knew her, even for a moment. And that I held her in my arms.

Thank you to everyone who has seen me down this road. Your kindness knows no bounds, and I have no words.

Happy eighth month birthday in Heaven, Sarah. Pray for us, Precious.

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