Monday, November 28, 2005


Maybe it would be better if I weren't pregnant every single year.  But since we've started homeschooling, I have been.  And it's meant that burnout has come fairly early in the year.

I don't sleep well, and I have little energy, and less patience.  In the past few weeks I've virtually abandoned Reagan to books and personal time.  Every year as I go through burnout I also go through the feeling sorry for myself for being the worst mother EVER phase.  It's starting to get a little old.

The third trimester of pregnancy, and the post-partum days are probably the time where I struggle the hardest against depression.  I was diagnosed with cyclical depression about 12 years ago, and I do fine these days, except for times like these.

I'm not sure what I need more of.  Sleep doesn't help.  I never feel more refreshed because my sleep is no longer recuperative.  Honestly, I need something fresh to get me motivated, and perhaps a new body that doesn't hurt and has energy.

In the meantime, I don't know how much actual schooling we'll be getting done.  We'll be watching a lot of educational programming, and of course I'll be encouraging plenty of reading.  And on days where I do have the energy, we'll dig into our book work.

In a way, that is the beauty of homeschooling.  He's still learning all the time, we can school through the Summer, and we have flexibility.

I think I'm going to be very excited when Ciaran is born.  I've been pregnant for so long, I just want my body back.  And I'm so excited to meet him.  I can really dislike the end of pregnancy and still be happy about the baby.

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