I've officially decided that this mommy business is hard.
Sure, I should have guessed this 8 years and 1000 diapers ago, but I've just decided it today.
Today I woke up at 5 am and tried to convince a sleepy baby that he really did want to nurse again. Not just because I was going to work, and he'd miss me, but because I don't want to go too long between feedings for fear of my fertility returning.
Today at work I found out one of my residents died. And another was readmitted from home. I can't say too much about it, for obvious reasons, but I will say that I was left angry and sad. I also found out that someone I had gone out of my way for, left. She said that no one had come to see her, on the day that I was working. And I'd spent most of my time with her. So, many things were frustrating. I think most nurses tend to have a sense of perfectionism with their work. It's important work, after all. And it's frustrating to be unappreciated, or have hard work undone. Hmmmm....sounds like being a mom, actually!
I came home after stopping at the drug store. The kids weren't dressed. Daddy said I hadn't left clothes out for them. But I had. I'd told him the night before, exactly where they were! Honestly, even if I hadn't, we live in a 1000 square foot apartment. I'm pretty sure he could find the closet. If not, Reagan could show him! ( Love you, honey!) He did, however, keep everyone fed and got a load of laundry both into the washer and then the dryer. Bravo!
So, I set about my work of taking laundry out, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the parts of my breastpump, taking care of the kids, feeding the baby, changes, bath, food, de-cluttering, zone housework, etc., etc, etc. It made my feet start to scream obscenities at me!
And the kids are playing, making noise, while the throbbing in my head just gets worse. I'm trying to keep everyone happy, and my feet are killing me, and I realize I haven't even attempted to get any schoolwork done with Reagan. Thank goodness he's reading the Indian In the Cupboard, and is fascinated enough to have at least done that!
There just aren't enough hours in the day for me to be a cookie baking, homeschooling, craft making, field trip taking, soccer mom, who works outside the home. Just trying to keep this many balls in the air is exhausting!
So, I officially declare this parenting stuff hard. Still, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Maybe for a nice long nap and a cup of Chai tea that isn't too heavy on the cinnamon though.