Thursday, May 21, 2009

I Am Not That Wife

I like reading books. Fiction, non-fiction, I just really like books. I read books to be entertained, certainly, but often I read books to learn. And when I got married, I began reading books on how to be the best wife. From Elisabeth Elliot to Dr. Laura, I have read a lot of books on how to be a good wife. Over and over, however, I read them thinking of all the things I'm not.

I'm not Betty Crocker. I'm not an exceptional cook. I might like to cook, but the clean up always leaves something to be desired. My husband is probably not going to come home to a four course meal expertly prepared by yours truly.

I'm not crafty. I'm not that mom who can find some really incredible at a thrift store or a garage sale, fix it up and make it look incredible. I can't upholster furniture. I don't make really cool crafts with my kids. I can't sew worth a darn.

I'm not an amazing housekeeper, or home decorator. I try to keep my house neat and somewhat orderly, but it usually feels like I'm swimming against the tide, and that I'm way behind. I'm never going to be that wife who welcomes her husband home to the spotless house, with the spotless kids.

I'm not a snazzy dresser. I have two sisters with amazing taste. One for the funky eclectic look. She can throw the most interesting things together and have it look great. The other is yuppy chic, and she always looks posh and put together. Me, not so much. I don't have their taste (or their figures). I try to pick things that are already put together in the store so I don't look completely ridiculous. I'm not good at putting things together myself.

So, I was thinking that maybe I'm not alone. Maybe I'm not the only one who counts her worth as a woman, wife, or mother by the things she's not. Maybe we need to start focusing a bit more on the things that we are. After all, if God wanted me to be just like someone else, maybe he would have given me a few more of their natural talents.

So, I started thinking about what I am good at. I'm fairly intuitive and perceptive. I can often sense people's motivation, and I understand what makes them tick. That makes me pretty good at giving advice to my husband, which he values. He often asks my opinions on things. I crochet really well, and my husband loves the afghans I've made for him and the kids. I'm good at connecting with my husband and letting him know that he's loved and appreciated. I'm good at knowing how to make arguments constructive. And I'm good at communication, at hearing what my husband is really trying to say, and wording things in ways that aren't antagonistic and don't make him defensive. And of course my first aid skills are pretty good.

I have value. I have talents. I'm not entirely sure how the Lord is going to use them in my marriage, my family, or the community, but I know they're there. They are His gifts. And I need to spend more time cultivating them and their use for Him and for my family, and less time lamenting that I'm not more like other women.

Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
Romans 12:4-8


  1. My grandmother told me that you only had to be good at one thing to keep your husband happy. I think you got that down pat. I'm just saying...:)

  2. Is it all the kids that gives it away? LOL Honestly, thought, your grandmother has a point.


I love comments!