Thursday, July 23, 2009

Pregnancy 101


Anyone who thinks God doesn't have a sense of humor, has probably never been pregnant. There's something funny about how so many of us have signed up willingly for an event so comical.

Don't get me wrong. I discovered my mom's books on natural childbirth when I was about seven, and decided that pregnancy and birth was the most beautiful thing a woman could do. That's when I decided to become a midwife. At seven years old. Now, I haven't yet realized this dream, but you know, I'm getting a different kind of experience in the meantime. And it's just not quite as graceful as it appeared in the clean, crisp pages of the 1970s books my mother owned.

So, what's the truth? What's the real picture of pregnancy? For me, it's getting to be sick and tired for about three months. So, the time in which my body is still in a position to do things, it just plain doesn't want to.

Then I get bigger. On comes the incredibly ladylike things such as gas. There's no controlling it! I think it's nature's way of preparing you for the reality that your body is no longer just your own. And if you're planning to breastfeed, it won't be again any time soon.

By the third trimester I'm wildly uncomfortable. My sciatic nerve is pinched. I can no longer completely control my bladder (something made worse when I have a cold, like I do now. I feel like I'm 80!). I'm getting kicked in the hips and the ribs by a baby who is possibly attempting to win a boxing tournament in utero. Oh, and suddenly I want to do everything! I want my home ready for my new baby. But of course I'm tired, I catch every single bug that goes around, and my sheer girth gets in my way constantly.

Oh, and right now, when I should be eating healthy to grow a strong baby, all I want is fried cheese, chocolate, and sweet tea. I have no idea who I'm growing in there on that diet!

Of course, for all the difficulty that even the most normal of pregnancies brings, there is something truly magical about being part of God's creation in this way. There is a connection that is formed with another human being that's like nothing else, and before you've even seen each other face to face.

But there is serious comedy involved, and realizing that will help keep you sane. That's my number one lesson with pregnancy. That is pregnancy 101. Keep your sense of humor. You'll need it. After all, pregnancy is only the beginning...


  1. So, one day are you going to be a midwife? That is neat that you thought so when you were 7!

    I just noticed you are in MN. I will wave as I fly over going to the Mayo ;)

    Were you this uncomfortable with your other pregnancies? My mom had 6 and talked about sleeping for about 7 days straight when she delivered me and I was only her 5th!

  2. yes, it is comical and magical indeed. :)

  3. And I might add... Learn to maintain your sense of humor. You'll need it. Pregnancy is only the beginning! :-)

    Hoping these last days go quickly and as discomfort free as possible for you!

  4. I *love* this post. I can totally relate. The sciatica, the bladder control (er, lack thereof), the boxing tournament in my abdomen and all the junk food cravings. I now get up to pee all night long every 2-3 hours, like clockwork. It's like nature is training me for sleep deprivation. I don't know how you do this *and* run a household. You're a super woman!!!


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