I don't know how much I can post this week without it sounding like the same whiny bullshit I posted last week. But I'll give it a shot. New whiny bullshit! Aren't you excited?
I thought every week that passed, I would feel better and more comfortable. But instead I feel like the closer I get, the less secure I feel. I've started to think past actually getting him here, to what life will be like afterward. What I want is a sweet, mellow, babymoon. What we're going to have is the NICU, post-op procedures, and frequent doctor appointments. And, of course I'm scared by that.
So, what do I do for support?
Well, I'm not part of any support group anymore. I'd found one that virtually imploded after a new mom joined to get support before an induction. When she wasn't well received by some of the moms, I took it personally. Can't imagine why. So, I left the group and I wasn't the only one.
In real life, I have tons of people who are thinking of us and praying for us. And I wish I could explain how much each one of those people mean to me as we go through this. At the same time, people have their own lives to deal with, and I kinda feel like this is just something I have to deal with on my own.
My mom used to say that you do things, just because you have to. I always thought she made all the rules, so I didn't understand that. Now I do. I go through each day and try to get done all that needs to be. Not because I'm particularly strong or brave, but because I have no other choice. Don't get me wrong. I'll be fine. I'll figure things out. I'll get through it. It's just not the easiest thing I've ever done. But then, I guess motherhood is always a labor of love.