Sunday, May 22, 2011
Butterflies and Regrets
I did not work hard enough to earn the level of exhaustion I feel.
Since my Bestie and I are due just a few weeks apart, and she never had a baby shower with her first child 15 years ago due to bedrest, I was determined that she should have one this time. Oh yes, my Sonya would have a baby shower.
Lucky for me, my Sonya is beloved, and a whole troop of friends came out of the woodwork to help put together a party that I simply could not afford to throw myself. One friend took care of food, another decorations, another invitations and thank you cards. My job was to organize and make it all come together at the end. I think that happened pretty darn well thanks to everyone's hard work, and she had a great day. That of course, makes me very happy.
But still, at the end of the day, I'm SO wiped out. I don't think I should ever be a professional party planner.
In other, totally unrelated news, Facebook keeps telling me I should reconnect with old High School classmates. It seems most of those I went to school with went on to College, Grad school, Med/Law school, and have incredibly successful careers and spouses. Being the underachiever/depressive I was in High School, I'm still really proud that I didn't end up a single mom dating some random guy in a band. At the same time, I'm angry with myself that I had so many opportunities that I wasted by making such ridiculously bad choices. I love my family, my friends, and the life I've built for myself. I just wish I'd made my path easier instead of harder.
If a life without regret is an unexamined life, I can honestly say that I have examined my life thoroughly. I definitely have regrets. One day, maybe I'll learn to forgive myself. Still, young me owes 30-something me a Big Fat apology. And I probably owe my mother one, too.