Monday, June 06, 2011
It's Only Love
I know who I am. Not that I have discovered my "true depths", or even all of my own facets. But I have a somewhat realistic idea of who I am, faults and all. I know all of the ways in which I'm selfish, irresponsible, thoughtless, and obnoxious. Granted, I hope these things aren't the bulk of who I am, but they exist in a very real way and I'm very aware of it.
So, when I realize that my husband still gets up every morning and tells me that I'm beautiful, or that he loves me, I wonder how I got so lucky? How did I find someone who could look past all of those faults which seem so glaring and obvious to me, and still choose to wake up and love me every day? And how can I make sure I don't screw that up?
But, of course, love is like that. It's not that we don't see each other's faults, it's that we know all the good that is inside of someone despite them. We make the choice to accept someone as a whole human being with positive and negative attributes. And we are better for making the choice to love and care for each other. Well, at least when it works the way it's supposed to.
While my mind can rationalize that my husband gets something out of this relationship, too, I'm feeling somewhat vulnerable these days. That he continues to patiently take care of me makes me feel incredibly blessed. Love is a powerful thing, and I'm so grateful to have it in my life. It's not always perfect, and it's not always pretty, but it's mine. As for the not-screwing-it-up, well, I'm still working on that. But it's been 10 years, and he's still here. I think we're off to a good start.