Every once in a while I meet someone, and pretty soon I'm telling Liam's story. Of course, Liam's story is only in context for us when you know Sarah's story. So, that's always fun, too.
The subject has left me....sensitive. The issues of life, termination, the term "incompatible with life" all took on a different meaning when the ideas were no longer theoretical, but real, and happening to me and to my baby.
I'm grateful for supportive friends and family. I'm grateful for a husband who, after hearing that our child could survive it, had no concerns about loving and accepting the child we got, no matter what his limitations might be.
The first year of Liam had it's own set of challenges. Everything was new, and there was so much to be done. There wasn't a lot of time to worry about what was going to happen next, because I was so busy thinking about what was happening right then.
Now we're halfway through year two of Liam. I love him so much. His giggles, his skills, the way he loves to snuggle. He's amazing. This year, though, this year I see his peers pulling away from him. They are advancing by leaps and bounds, with new skills all the time. Meanwhile I'm still trying to get him to say a few words and hoping he'll decide to walk soon. That can be hard to see. Also, the realization hit me the other day that between Ciaran and Liam, we may never be child-free.
That was my purpose. You have kids, you raise them, and eventually they become independent. But what happens if they don't? I suppose most people would have thought of that sooner, but to be honest, that never really occurred to me. How very naive I was.
At the same time, I can't focus on what may be. I can only address what is happening right now. And, to be honest, he's doing really well in so many ways. He is a healthy and happy baby who is working really hard to hit those milestones.
Don't get me wrong. I don't feel sorry for myself. I'm not even sure if I'm worried about it. It's just another one of those times where you look at your future and think that it may not be what you thought it would. But then, kids are like that. They don't always want to go along with your plans.
I see these memes all the time on the internet about the strength of Special Needs parents. I don't know that I'm strong. But I know I've learned to be flexible. If I didn't bend to go along with some of the curves life has thrown us, I would have broken.