I ruthlessly compare myself to others. I have neither the body of a model, nor the brain of a PhD. I can't tell you about the ins and outs of the comic book industry. I haven't created art that I'd be willing to share with others. I haven't really accomplished anything. I don't have an identity.
Let me explain. I met a guy at the convention I went to, for literally, the fourth time. He didn't remember me. He never does. And he wasn't the only one. I'm...kind of forgettable. Lots of people have, things. Things that identify them. Things that they're good at. The writer, the therapist, the musician, the Doctor Who expert, the RPG expert, whatever. Everyone seems to have something.
Okay, moment to be reasonable, because I can. I do understand that there were seven thousand people at this convention and the vast majority were like me, without that identifiable thing that makes them stand out. I also understand that there's a cumulative effect going on in my brain that is making all of the people who have one thing they're good at, meld together into a group of people who are good at everything. In other words, in this reasonable moment, I will admit to being a bit unreasonable.
I guess that my problem is that my accomplishments aren't easily rolled into a title or identity that is easily communicated to others in a way that makes me at least memorable before someone has met me for the fourth time.
Hi, my name is Anne, and I'm a Supermom. No. That doesn't work. You know, because I'm pretty sure someone has smeared toothpaste on the bathroom wall again, and I think I've stopped caring.
Hi, my name is Anne and I am quite mediocre at many things? Well, that's...not helpful.
Crap, what do I have? Well, apparently, I have a midlife crisis. I'm nearly 36 and I don't know who I am outside of being a wife and a mother. I have interests, friends, I'm sure a talent in there somewhere. I love almost without limit, I'm an incredible cheerleader to the people I care about and am genuinely enthused by their talents and accomplishments. I'm someone who can be called at two in the morning when something has gone wrong. I'm not particularly judgmental, nor am I competitive. I believe in people,. But how do I fit that on a business card, or into an introduction?
I don't have the answer to this or the myriad of other questions rattling around in my ridiculous brain. But I know that while I may not have written the Great American Novel, composed an Opera, or Painted...ever, somehow, my family is my Great Masterpiece. They are the thing of which I am most proud. Maybe that will make me a bit boring at dinner parties, but I wouldn't change it for anything.