Thursday, July 11, 2013

Unnecessary Comments

I get it. I do. It's a dog eat dog world out there, and to get your product or service noticed, you need great ways to get public attention. Like blogs.  I mean, why not?  Leave a comment, make a blogger feel noticed, and increase your own visibility, all at the same time.

But I think maybe the spam commenters I get, need help finding their target audience.  So, I thought I would share some things I don't need and why I don't need them.  Are you paying attention, Spam Blog Commenters?

I don't need medication to help me with my erectile dysfunction.


I do appreciate that you likely make a fantastic product, and I hope it gets to the right people!  It's just that personally, I don't need it.  You know, not having a penis and all that.  And considering the vast majority of my readers are moms, I don't think they will either.  Thanks for thinking of me, though.

I don't need a wife from the Ukraine, Thailand, or whatever other country you have some waiting in.  I'm sure that you have a bevy of amazing young women, just looking for love and their very own green card.  And it is true that sometimes I wish that I had a wife.  You know, if only just to help get crap done around here.  But, while marriage between women is legal here now in Minnesota, it turns out I'm actually already married.

It can get isolating, being a stay-at-home-mom.  You're busy all day with kids, laundry, housework, and other such things.  So, I love that you want to help me escape into fantasy, Blog Comment Spammer.  The thing is, when I think of fantasy, maybe I'm thinking of handsome men in kilts, and not the BBW porn links you're sending me.  Once again, I think this may be all about knowing your target audience.  I don't think the 35 year old mother of seven, is it.  At all.

I thought about making a list of the unnecessary porn link types I've gotten, but then I remembered who the five people are who read my blog.  I don't think I want them to know that I know what those terms mean.  I don't think I even want them to know that I know what porn means.  Hi, Mom!  So, lets's just go with No Porn.  The internet is full of it.  I'm sure I can find it if I need to.  Okay?  Thanks!  I'm sure my mom will thank you, too.

So, I speak English.  Sometimes even coherently.  I speak some Spanish too, but it's mediocre at best, and only when you speak very slowly.  Seriously, if you speak Spanish to me, talk to me like I'm a toddler.  That's how I roll.  So, Spam Commenter, if English is your second language, I appreciate that you've tried.  Learning another language is hard.    But your ad has to be somewhat coherent.  If you lack any kind of sentence structure and I can't figure out what you're trying to sell me, I don't think you'll be very successful.  Especially if I figure out that what you're trying to sell me, is a language program.  Because if that's as good as you get, I think I'll pass.

Really, I don't need a new business, lady, porn site, car, perscription for Ambien or pill to make my member larger.  But again, thanks so much for asking.  And, by all means, if you have some comment spam that can send me someone to do my laundry, I'm willing to talk.

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