Tuesday, September 09, 2014

I Don't Love Them More

I see this quote go around every so often in my Special Needs circles.  I can see why it's popular. It feeds into the idea that our kids are great, and it's a "feel good" kind of quote.

Maybe it's just me being contrary, but...I disagree with it.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids more than my dog loves getting her butt scratched. And that's a lot.

But I never saw that they were perfect. Nor did I ever mind that they were imperfect. I don't love them for being blonde or brunette. I don't love them for being tall or short. I don't love them for being boys or girls.

I love them for being themselves.  All they ever have to be for my love, is who they are at their core.

When I found out that Liam had an encephalocele, I didn't love him more. I might be more protective, in some ways, but he's not more special because of it. He's special because he's Liam.

This for me, goes hand and hand with the quotes about Special Needs moms getting special kids because they're stronger, or better, or more capable. That is just plain not true. We're just putting one foot in front of the other like any other mom. And we all struggle. This is the hardest job you ever do. My challenges may be different than another mother, but we all have challenges.

That may be one of the reasons I decided I didn't want this to be a Special Needs blog. It's something we deal with, but I'm a mom first. They're kids first. We're a family first. And whether you're trying to get your six year old to love reading, or stop spinning in class, we're all trying to figure something out, and we can all use a little help from our friends. Even virtual ones.

So no, I didn't love any of them more for being imperfect. I loved them all for being imperfect, right from the start. Because we're all imperfect. Perfectly so.


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