Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The Marriage Balance

I keep hearing this phrase "Happy wife, happy life".

It's kind of pissing me off.

While, granted, I do love being a happy wife, I'm only half of this marriage.

What about a happy husband? Or is the idea that he's only allowed to be happy if I am. Because that's just crap.

I'll tell you what I think the secret is to my not-perfect-but-very-happy marriage.

Want to hear?

It's balance.
Balance in responsibility. Balance in time with each other and time with the family. Balance in work vs. home. But also balance with both of our wants and needs. We both deserve to be happy here.

We couldn't go through all of these years trying to make ourselves happy. If we did we'd be missing out on so much.

Marriage requires a certain level of vulnerability. I think that it's by being vulnerable and seeing the other person care for you, and respect that vulnerability, that so much of the trust is developed in the relationship.

At the same time, if he or I spent all of our time trying to make the other one happy at our own expense, that would create a ton of resentment. And that's not good for anyone.

So, Dominic and I try to make each other happy. Both of us.

And sometimes what we want is not what the other one wants. So, things have to be categorized in terms of how important that thing is to each of us, and for our lives. Generally, we go with the person who feels more strongly about it.

But each of us can stop worrying about keeping ourselves happy, because we know that the other is trying to take care of that. Knowing that he will always be trying to make me happy and make my life better, frees me from having to do that myself, and lets me focus on making him happy and his life better.

Mutual selflessness has been a must for us. And sometimes I still get annoyed when I'm picking his socks up from his side of the bed, or I'm asking him again to do whatever thing I want him to do that he's forgotten about. And I annoy him too, though I can't figure out why, as I'm clearly amazing. (Totally joking, in case you're not familiar with my humor here)

But I never have to worry that he's going to put his own wants above my happiness or the good of our marriage.

There can be balance. It can happen. It helps when your husband is awesome and loves the crap out of you. I think I"m pretty lucky with this one. I'm thinking I'll keep him. You know, until he gives out, and then I'm marrying for money.

Again, just joking. Now, I know I'm not the marriage guru, but it's worked for us so far. And if you like my blog, please click the link below which registers a vote for me, would you? Thanks. You're the best!
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