Monday, November 17, 2014

The Perfect Mother Dilemma

Can I just say that I think the Mommy wars are bullshit?

I don't know what the draw is in having women fight each other instead of support each other, but it's really a giant waste of time or energy.

Whether you are a SAHM, a WAHM, or a WOHM you work. You are up early and you go to bed late. You do a full time job, and are on call 24/7. Your kids won't suffer just because you're doing it one way over the other.

Granted, my 3 year old is screaming bloody murder at the moment, but that's because we're assholes who took a pencil away so he couldn't poke himself in the eye with it. We clearly didn't understand his grand plan for world domination with nothing but that pencil, and now all he can do is rail against the inhumanity of it all.

We ruin everything.

But it's not because I got a job. It's because I'm mean.

I have breastfed and formula fed. I have diapered in both sposies and cloth. I have given some of my babies pacifiers, and others I didn't. I have made a hundred different parenting choices, that I thought mattered so much. And they did. But not because I'm so perfect and have all the answers. But because they were what my family needed. Or what that particular child needed. Or, imagine this: sometimes, it was what I needed.

Perfection is just not possible. We will drive ourselves crazy trying to achieve it.

So, do you want my advice for being an awesome mother? Of course you do!

Make mom friends. Having other moms to commiserate with, and to share the excitement with, is priceless.

Don't trash talk your kids. Being frustrated with something going on is fair. Talking trash is just not cool, and it's not fair to your kids who trust you with their most intimate secrets. You wouldn't want them talking that way about you, don't do it to them.

Respect their privacy. I know, I write a blog about my family, what do I know about privacy? Well, there are a lot of stories I don't tell. They'd be freaking hilarious, but they're just not my stories. And at a certain point I don't share things without my kids permission.

Since perfection isn't possible, stop judging yourself (and other moms) by an unattainable ideal. We're all doing the best we can with whatever circumstances we have.

Kids who know they're a priority, do better. They know they matter and that they're loved. But you have to have something to give. So, remember to take care of yourself. You matter too.

And when you need it, take a time-out. Because sometimes that five minutes alone is what you need to remember that we are not a species who eat their young.

Tonight I think I'm going to celebrate being just a super-ok mom with a glass of wine and an early bedtime.

After all, they're going to be thinking up new ways to rule the world tomorrow, and it'll be all up to me to thwart their plans.

Like I do.

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